Australia

I've been thinking on and off about writing on my blog, nothing coming to mind and yet all these memories roasting, percolating, brewing in my brain and serving up cups of fresh thoughts and conclusions from my experiences in the last few months.
Part of the reason I haven't written lies in the feeling of homesickness which pervaded over the summer and fall in the Austral hemisphere, which crowded out many other emotions, downplaying joy and exacerbating a sense of nostalgia.
Part of the reason lay in the sense, renewed daily, that I know nothing about how people operate, that I am still learning, and that, in learning, could form no conclusions. A nudge from a friend reminded me that I need to get going on with my life, make sense of what's happened to me lately.
I left Australia feeling relief and triumph, feeling regret. Australia was so many great things, and I've taken away so many good lessons from a great country that make me want to improve my own. Here are a people tucked away and somewhat isolated from the greater sense worldwide of unease for what lies ahead for all of us. Always, of course, there is the human drama, but for the most part, Australians have an amazing confidence in life borne out of confidence in good government, good education, high standard of living, and the certainty that they will never truly be destitute. It's because of their small population and high expectations and delivery of good government that most Australians are generally content.
My last few days in Australia were a blur of airplanes and gangways and buses and trains and saying hellos and goodbyes and thank yous and hugs and presents and stolen naps on the way here and there. Walking down new neighborhoods expertly navigating the streets with tourist maps and seeing world wonders and eating great food and drinking always, always the great cup of coffee.
Australia whetted my appetite for more, more of the country and more of the sights and more of the good things to be enjoyed in life, more of the attitude that you should get up and just go. More of the life that people should enjoy everyday. Beautiful country and mixed cultures and heritage buildings forming the stuff of everyday life.
I saw animals endemic to one portion of the world, felt the Antarctic wind on my face, tasted great coffee brew, and met and spoke with wonderful people. Walked down narrow streets feeling incredulous. Heard and smelled and tasted a country that felt thrilling and familiar all at once. Everywhere encountered kindness and joy. Australia was a gracious hostess who never let me feel I'd worn out my welcome. She invited me to stay longer, and it was only because I longed for the California sun to shine on me again that I declined.
On every take-off, I had to remind myself to look out the window and say my goodbye to this strange and wonderful country. I savored those moments, and counted myself amongts the lucky few.


I feel confident in my decision to come home. It felt right, for whatever that's worth, but what better standard is there to make sense and take charge of my life, than this combination of faith and reasoning? Still, there is a sense of regret that I haven't kept my promise to that side of me that wanted to travel long and deep into the world, as though I can't quite cross off that item from my checklist because I was a bit weak-willed. It's a sense that I set out to do something and didn't finish it, and that I let something slip through my fingers, a circumstance that I haven't been gracious to accept emotionally. I've tried to live my life without allowing myself to feel regret, accepting that I have made some great decisions, and many more mistakes. But there are more and more moments in my life of triumph mixed with regret.
And yet I write this paragraph even as I tuck my head, once again, on a strange pillow on a borrowed bed. I've been meandering down pathways, randomly choosing which ones to ramble on, and I can't complain that all the while, I haven't enjoyed gadding about with no more to wonder about than where and when and how to travel next. Maybe my travels haven't gone exactly as planned, but they've been more wonderful than I could ever have imagined.